This Time It’s Personal

I meant to write this last night when I got home from teaching and taking class myself but I was asleep by 11.

The word of the yesterday: desiccate- verb- meaning to dry out or make dull (Cool words make me feel better)

Huge ridiculous meltdown yesterday. I started the day on an extreme high with my interview with the Director of Dance St. Louis, but adrenaline was pumping like mad from the minute that I woke up (late). I think luck was on my side because I parked in an illegal lot downtown to be close to the Arts Center and managed to escape a ticket. Also, I felt that the interview went extremely well. More on that later.

Anyways, I left feeling incredibly motivated and excited for the future of dance in St. Louis, for my own future- even to the point that the idea of NOT getting into grad school and escaping to New York is not at all terrible anymore. I almost hope that I don’t get in. (I’ll at least avoid that ridiculous tuition, AKA student loan debt) I feel like I’m meeting people and institutions that share my values and support not only the arts, but me as an individual. I feel like I’ve been fighting to be seen as the artist I want to be ever since Butler and I’m finally getting close to some of those goals. Well, sort of, anyways.

Definitely not as a dancer. I feel like my motto ever since leaving Louisville in 2009 has been, ‘Wow, I’m so out-of-shape!’ When I take breaks from dance, I am lucky that I retain most if not all of my flexibility. But my strength goes straight out the window, and strength is crucial for technique. Flexibility is just a finishing touch. After my season ended in Louisville, I barely danced at all between April and September, when my season started with Roxey Ballet in new Jersey. So I was out of shape to begin with. The reason why I was so excited to take that job was because of the call-back audition where I spent an entire day taking ballet then pointe then yoga then repertoire with the director, which was challenging contemporary. I thought I would become the strong, technically sound ballet dancer that I wanted to be and perform new and interesting work. Yeah, that didn’t so much happen. Between September to January when I left, the director did not teach a SINGLE class. I think he sat in on maybe four rehearsals. One of the company members taught class and he was a great teacher, but it just isn’t as motivating as having the person responsible for casting staring down your sloppy 5th position. And from January to….August I did a handful of classes in St. louis and New York or shows with more pedestrian kind of movement that required great musicality and performance but not-so-much classroom technique.

In my last season with a ballet company in st. Louis, I showed up a total mess and don’t think by May, I had improved much on that. I could blame the (in-my-opinion) poorly constructed, lazy technique classes, the over-all lack of professionalism, the lack of inspiration and motivation, but I know for myself that I wanted to dance a certain way, and if you don’t get what you need from class there are exercises you can do outside of class to gain strength. It is my fault that I didn’t motivate myself to do more. It’s hard when you feel like it’s all you can do to show up and get through it, let alone feeling some drive and passion, especially if you don’t feel it from your teachers and director. I remember having one class where I was saying in my head, ‘Jess, this is what you’ve wanted to do all of your life and in this environment, you aren’t even feeling pressure regarding body-size so be grateful, work harder, and enjoy yourself’….and I just couldn’t.  I think there was a cocktail of problems from my outside personal life, my uncertainty about the future, and the actual work being done in the studio that accounted for feeling miserable every single day. At this time last year, I think I had almost given up on myself and decided that yes, I love dance, but if I can’t do it the way I would want to see it on a stage, then I should find something else to do with my time. I’m conceited enough to believe that I can be exceptional at something, and I’d rather be great at something than mediocre at dance, even if it is the thing I love most.

A pigeon's delusions of Grandeur found via Matchbook Magazine)

I don’t know where the months of October, November, and December went. Down the toilet. I just completely stopped caring about anything; dance, my friends, my health. Somewhere in the time of starting at Alive, and getting to review some truly amazing shows and just finishing my application for grad school I very slowly have come back to those feelings of motivation- of striving for something, and of course for me, it’s always arts related. Teaching people who are so eager to learn and excited has also been so helpful for me, to the point that I not only want to deliver the best classes I can, but to share in that excitement. I started going back to class about a week and a half ago and besides teaching, I’ve taken some form of dance myself almost every day. And I’m happy to say that mostly I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it, even though it’s torturous on my weak body and even more harrying on my self-esteem. I’ve based most of my self-worth on the fact that I’m an accomplished dancer for such a long time, to face yourself in the mirror and realize that you flat-out stink makes me feel completely worthless.

I have zero upper-body strength and my cardio is dreadful. So enter in my schedule- Anthony Redd William’s cardio hip hop class (feel free to laugh at the idea of me doing hip hop- it is indeed hilarious). This class is really fun, high energy, I love the music, Redd is an amazing teacher…but it’s pretty much 45 minutes of jumping, throwing your arms around, and fast, strong movement in constant plie (bent knees)…in other words, all things I’m bad at. I tend to feel accomplished if I can just get through it, let alone look even remotely good.  I think that’s the general feeling from most of the people in class.

Mostly everyone is in their 20′s I would guess, and I would say it’s mostly people without a lot of dance experience who are just trying to move and stay in shape. You would think I’d have the upper hand in there, having been a professional. I can at least pick up the moves. There was a fun move we did yesterday that entailed: 4 jumps, then stick out your left hip as the right foot goes out and right arm goes up, then switch to sticking your right hip out and switching the arms. Really not hard. and we did it a million times and the girl standing next to me still couldn’t figure it out. She looked like a confused spastic cheerleader. The sad thing is, she still looked better than me. Why? Because I had to stop. I thought I was going to pass out. I’m the only person in the entire class of loonies that couldn’t even keep up. Total failure.

I'm Tired!! (photo cred; Matt Seimens)

I think a big part of that was because I hardly got any sleep and I only ate breakfast. And in my sick way, until I realized that I had no energy after teaching for almost 3 hours and then trying to take a cardio class, thought that was an accomplishment. It’s kind of confusing, I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve danced for six hours on a cup of coffee and an apple and didn’t feel like this. Maybe I was used to it, or maybe I was just younger. Again, in my warped attitude towards my body and health, a part of me is berating myself for not still being that way, and seeing that as the goal.  I don’t know if anyone else has ever been this crazy, but it is an exhausting process to hate yourself and beat yourself up for not being better, thinner, prettier, smarter, every minute. I don’t think a day of my life has gone by in over ten years where I haven’t been obsessed with becoming a better dancer and becoming thinner (even if I didn’t do anything about those desires, meaning even more negative self-talk)

So yesterday was just a total break down of the self for me- between that feeling of renewed hope and energy from the first part of the day, to taking that motivation into a negative realm where I thought ‘well if I’m going back to dance and being given all of these opportunities, I can’t disappoint anyone so I can’t eat’ and then giving everything I have as a teacher and then seeing myself failing in class, it was a slippery unhealthy slope to sweating buckets and then crying my eyes out when I got home. Good God, I feel dehydrated.

It is really easy for me to be motivated towards an end goal, out of pressure or fear. I actually have an old calendar that I used to keep where I would either write ‘Failure‘ or “success’ on each day. Success looked like: exercised a certain amount, ate a certain amount, perfect blood sugars. I think in some weird way, it kept me more motivated to write that I was a failure over and over and over. But I really don’t want to be this way anymore.

On the Up and Up (found via Matchbook Magazine Tumblr)

I am a person of extremes. I’m either good or bad, things are all or nothing. To be ok with myself I must push  myself in class, and to even go to class, I must have eaten a small or nonexistent amount so that I can stand to look at myself in the mirror, and more importantly so that I will take my insulin. If I feel that I’ve eaten too much, I won’t take my medicine to avoid gaining weight and then I feel so incredibly sick that I can’t move at all, let alone dance.  I feel constantly afraid that I’m going to ‘mess up’ and then the whole day is ruined. I find it hard to have the strength to take my medicine and go to class just to work hard and enjoy it if I don’t feel good about my body, and I feel equally bad about myself if I decide that i won’t put myself through the self-bashing of going to class and will still take the medicine and eat properly. it has to be all or nothing and I don’t know where to forgive myself if I don’t tick off every box to feel like I’ve succeeded that day.

So today the word is rehydrate. Not just in fluid but in patience and knowledge. I’ve been through a lot of therapy to deal with these feelings and actions, and I think it’s time to reinforce positive messages for myself. If anyone else struggles with these kinds of feelings of negative body image or self talk, confidence, or deciphering the drive to be healthy and happy from a fixed image, I suggest the book ‘Life without Ed’ by Jenni Schaefer. it is the one and only book I’ve ever found helpful and trust me I’ve read them all.

This post was really long, garrulous, and maybe more open than I should be. I know a lot of people just go to blogs for something funny, or a cool picture, so if that is you I apologize. I’m also guessing that  most of those people trickled off by the second paragraph so if you’ve stuck it out with me, you’re either probably my friend or understand these kinds of behaviors. If you’re the former, thank you, if you’re the latter, I wish you success in a non-meaured kind of way and motivation that doesn’t come out of fear or pressure.

I think it’s high time to build up both that outer and inner strength.

The Wishing Well on the Interlochen Arts Academy Campus- 2002

Leopard Kitten

Is it Stephen Colbert that does the ‘Moment of Zen’ at the end of his segment, or John Stewart? I can  never keep them straight.

Anyways, I copy them (Stephon Stebert , or Jophen Colwart)  and bring you this hybrid:

Moment of Zen in the palm of your hand:

found via Matchbook Magazine...or Dr. Doolittle

I’ll take twenty please. And then a tanner and a seamstress. Leopard kitten is so IN this season.

I have to dash off to teach, but I HAVE to tell you about my interview with the Director of Dance St. Louis when I’m finished. (as well as share my critique of the Brian Brooks Moving Company)

Don’t forget to take the survey under the ‘pass the test’ post. Hope you enjoyed this tiny moment of bliss- now make a cheetah and sprint off to the next thing. If only I could combine the speed of a cheetah or ostrich (fastest land animals) with the endurance of a camel. I’d be invincible. Somehow I think the hump would scare my young students though. The spitting…they’re probably used to.

Can you Pass the Test?

I think I have a pretty good handle on who is checking out this blog but sometimes I look at the numbers and think, ‘

“Who are these people!?”

So I’ve created this super-quick 6 question survey to get an answer. Please enjoy- maybe you’ll learn something about yourself too   

Click the link if you dare  http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/QK6FMKC

I don’t know if anyone is as obsessed with Pinterest as I am, but if so, you can follow me. I just added a new board! Just click the link underneath the blog roll that says ‘follow jess on pinterest’ (as if you couldn’t work that one out!)

You can also subscribe to this blog, which will let you know when I’ve put up a new post, by clicking the ‘follow blog via email’ link above the Pages list.

That way you can avoid the annoying “I wonder if Jess put up anything new…Aw shucks, she didn’t” moment.  

Did you know that a hummingbird beats its wings 50 times PER SECOND? It’s more movement than the human eye can event detect.  And I thought I was busy! Imagine that much work just to hover.

Keep humming along, little birdies! Life goes by in a blur!  Stop and notice

Life in Moving Pictures

Snap to It! (found via: paranoidepiphanies )

Whether you use the weekend to catch up on work, to relax, or get out and about, I hope it was a good one!

Peek-a-boo! (found via- redheadsandfreckles

 

 As for me, I caught up on my bear-training (he’s almost ready for the circus!) and learned how to make GIPs- or moving photographs. If you like any of these, check out From Me To You (I especially love the Travel ones).

I also: taught some dance classes, took some dance classes,

had an interesting conversation with a fellow writer over coffee with an ENTIRE gingerbread house (ok, maybe more of a gingerbread trailer)

saw the film ‘Shame’, (prudes be warned!)

Twilight has nothing on us

caught up on some reading, boxed up some things that I’m sending out for some friends upcoming birthdays (I love giving presents! ..and getting them)  and saw the incredible Brian Brooks Moving Company.

They had perhaps the most challenging and strenuous dance sequence I’ve ever seen and most fascinating lighting and stage design. I also was able to stay for a Q and A session with the director, lighting and set designer, and dancers post-show. Want to hear about it? Check back tomorrow!

What did you do this weekend?

Please leave a comment, subscribe, or ‘like’ the post- and as always, keep ‘liking’ life!

Rule of Thumb, and other phalanges

Beauty tip for the day: Do Not paint every nail on your hand a different color to try them out, and then forget to take it off. It looks like a stupid rainbow.

I do however love all of these colors. They are:

thumb- Chanel ’Quartz’/ pointer- Chanel ‘Rose Cache’/ middle- Chanel ‘Vendetta’/ ring- Chanel ’Graphite’- one of the Fall colors. Don’t even bother looking for it, this baby sold out./ pinky- Opi for Sephora ‘Havana Dreams’

I almost never paint my nails. I just don’t care for that kind of embellishment unless it’s a special occasion. And that doesn’t end at the cuticle. Like most things in my life, that philosophy circles right on back to ballet.

You would not believe the weird-looking shapes people come up with for their hands in ballet. These are my top five pet peeve hand positions for sloppy dancers

1. The Pincher- where the middle finger and thumb touch

2. The Swan Head- where the wrist is bent or ‘broken’ to an extreme angle

3. The Rhino horn - where the pointer finger is too elevated

4. Hamburger Hands- Where the hand makes a ‘c’ shape with all of the fingers together

5. The Creature- splayed out fingers

The correct position for the hand is a straight wrist with the thumb slightly tucked in, pointing towards the most distal point of the middle finger. The pointer finger should be slightly higher than the other fingers.

Love is in the details.

I always think you can tell a true ballerina by the hands. It’s that perfect finishing touch, unlike the strange array of colors I slathered on my nails. Thank heavens for nail polish remover. Now if they could just invent some that erases bad ballet habits and put it in a spray bottle so that I can squirt the phalanges of anyone doing any of these positions, I’ll be all set.

Stormy Weather- Rage to Survive

A moment of reflection on the joy that jazz has brought to my life:

In Louisville, I lived in an old house that was quartered up into four apartments. My upstairs neighbor was an idiot guy who constantly left his clothes in the dryer in our basement. 

Obviously, I had to punish this behavior.

The next time he did it, I put a huge rubber snake in there, nestled between his t-shirts. Then I listened for his footsteps on the stairs to the basement to hear his reaction. He screamed like a female cartoon. It was hilarious.

Thus began a long series of pranks that we pulled on each other. Another favorite of mine was to blast jazz music or sing really off-pitch renditions of ‘Sunday Kind of Love’ by Etta James, ‘Rehab‘ by Amy Winehouse, or pretty much any Billie Holiday through the vents. especially if I knew he had company over.

It is with a heavy heart that I say rest in peace, Etta James, who passed away this past week. I intend to read her autobiography, ‘Rage to Survive’ published in 1995. She had a pretty tumultuous life, from the little I know, which sounds like a juicy read.

 I do NOT intend to see the movie made about her, ‘Cadillac Records’ where she is portrayed by Beyonce. Apparently, James was not so impressed by Miss Fierce and said that she ‘had no business singing my song’. I wonder how she’d feel about my atonal shower renditions.

 

It is really cold today, and there is ice on the roads, which makes me really not want to leave my house. I would like to bundle up in any of these snow-covered cabins and listen to music all day.But, ‘stormy weather’ or not, the school I teach for NEVER has a snow day. I’m teaching jazz today, how fitting.

I think I have a pretty good idea of some music to dance to.

“My lonely days are over, and life is like a song”

Later this evening, I’m going to Edison Theatre on the Washington University Campus to see the Brian Brooks Moving Company. They performed at Spring to Dance so I’m excited to see them again. If you’re in St.Louis and looking for something cool to do, I would check it out.

I’ll end this post as so many terrible jazz dance combinations do……..

Jazz Hands!!!!

is it me you’re looking for?

I can’t believe it.

I crossed everything off of my ‘to-do’ list and it isn’t even midnight. Kudos me.

Which of course means that I’ve spent the past hour and a half ten minutes looking at radom bits of joy on the internut. Laughter is apparently a good way to calm your brain before trying to go to sleep. So I thought I’d share. See how I look out for you?

Enjoy- and don’t forget to ‘like’, comment, or subscribe..if you did like it, that is, and I hope you do!

Caught on Film

Stupid Wim Wenders! He stole my music!

Wenders is the director of the  film ’Pina’ - a 3D feature-length dance film featuring the choreography of legendary Pina Bausch, who passed away in 2009. The movie was released in 2011 but not in the US, so I have not seen it. We got hits like the new ‘Footloose‘ instead (which I also did not see. No one replaces Kevin Bacon!)

I just watched the trailer and realized that the featured music is a piece that I have had on my computer and wanted to use for choreography since I first heard it in about 2006. If I use it now, it will just look like copying. (The music is Jun Miyake’s ’Lillies of the Valley’)

In the surge of dance-related movies, I can’t think of many that I have really cared for in the past decade or so. ‘Center Stage’ is a dancer chick-flick, ‘Save the Last Dance’ is infuriating because Julia Stiles is accepted into the most prestigious of schools, Juilliard, after a truly dreadful audition, and all the rest that I can think of off the top of my  head (Step Up, Stomp the Yard, Honey, Fame) are obnoxious hip-hop-ized clubbing footage with a loose narrative,bad clichéd writing and stereotyped characters. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t watch youtube clips for inspiration before I go out dancing myself but to me there’s a big difference between “I’m going to steal that hot move!‘ and ‘yes, I will submerge myself in the stench of faux butter to watch this in it’s full big-screen glory‘.

Recent dance films that I do enjoy include: (Click the titles to watch clips! Images via ‘Pina’ website and Dance Magazine)

1. Mad Hot Ballroom- a documentary on the Ballroom dance lessons  included in the curriculum of Public school system of New York and the fierce competition between the school’s for the trophies. I love the interviews with the kids as they talk about their goals, teachers, how they feel about being chosen or not chosen to take part in the competition, who they do or do not want to dance with,etc. It’s a film where you can get involved with the characters and get excited to see if your favorites will take the prizes at the end of the film. It has the same appeal as reality TV- sans barf-inducing bachelors or ‘real’ housewives composed of silicon and stupid.

2. Dancing Across Borders- a documentary of the capture sponsorship of Sokvannara ‘Sy’ Sar, a teenager from Cambodia who was discovered by filmmaker Anne Bass and brought to study dance at the School of American Ballet (the school that ‘Center Stage’ is based on) in New York. It’s a very thought-provoking film, particularly for people who understand the love-hate relationship that can exist with ballet. I must admit a bias having seen Sar dance in person. He performed last year as a guest artist for St. Louis Ballet’s ‘Tributes‘ concert and he was outstanding in contemporary choreography. I think part of the enjoyment of the film is knowing that a true talent has made a career for himself doing exactly what he loves- which seems to be contemporary and not traditional ballet. I can’t really imagine loving anything more than ballet so the idea that someone could ‘kick the habit’ so-to-speak makes me  a little jealous. Oh ballet, you old ball and chain you.

3. Ballet Russes- a documentary about the revolutionary company ‘Ballet Russes de Monte Carlo” by directors Danya Goldfine and Dan Geller. This film has rare footage of performances pictures, and interviews with the stars of the company (who are now doddering adorable old people). It’s a charming and sentimental history lesson – like finding your great grandmother’s secret diary in your attic- instead of spiders and Mr. Rochester’s secret psychotic bride. (I hope everyone gets that reference!)

4. The Company- the Robert Altman 2003 film based on the Joffrey Ballet of Chicago. Oddly enough, this is the one ‘non-documentary’ on my list and it has almost less of a narrative ‘story’ than any of them. Still, I love the ‘look at a dancer’s life’ and I like the performance aspect of it. The heart of this movie is the dance production, most of which I found beautiful. Neve Cambell is surprisingly good in it, and the solo piece done on the swing is absolutely heart-stopping. Also James Franco plays a chef, if the gorgeous dancing isn’t enough for you.

I still need to see ‘Mao’s Last Dancer’, which I heard is truly wonderful, and also on my list is ‘Mirror Dance’- a documentary about two famous Cuban Ballerinas who are twin sisters and one fled during the Cold War, barely escaping while the other stayed and helped develop the National Ballet of Cuba. Both had illustrious performance careers and the documentary shows the parallels of these two incredible contributors to dance. I also have not seen ‘Burlesque’ or ‘Nine‘ but I’m not sure that I’m truly missing much. Am I?

I am a huge fan of the Swedish Cullberg Ballet- I unfortunately have not seen then live but I do have two DVD’s that I adore- one is their wacked-out version of ‘Sleeping Beauty’ that uses the Tchaikovsky music but Carabosse is a mad scientist gynecologist who drugs out the pregnant Mom-to-be and turns Aurora into a slutty crack-baby. It’s amazing. I also have the Carmen DVD-  fabulous.

My favorite is their ‘Giselle’. Normally in the second act, Giselle has died of a broken heart and is a ghost-like ‘willi’- with the corps of other dead jilted women. Not so here! Rather than become an immortal and lovely spirit amongst vengeful brides, this Giselle goes bonkers and is placed in a mental institution. As you can imagine the choreography is truly inventive and strange and the dancers make it playful and beautiful. I would of course buy this, but there is full frontal male nudity so America says no no no! Why it’s ok for that Fassbender guy in the film  ‘The Descendants’ and not ok for a dancer onstage is beyond me but I don’t make the rules. I bet if Stephen Colbert becomes Prez he’ll  nip that nudity barrier right in the bud. The bare bud. All are choreographed by the phenomenal Mats Ek.

Here is a trailer for a film featuring the amazing company- 40 M Under. Why don’t we have stuff like this in the US? Instead we get that dreadful Legion of Extraordinary Dancers and the tragic-and-blasphemous Dance Moms, which even amongst a slew of junk TV, I cannot add that to the lineup. There are far better things to see, and ways to waste my time.

Sunday in the Park with Curious George

You know you’ve made it big when your name is condensed publicly to just a first name or a nickname: Beyonce. Cher. Prince. Pocahontas. Trivia fact: This wasn’t her real name. It was Amonute. The nickname ‘Pocahontas’ actually means ‘Little Wanton’- aka ‘slut’. Paint with THOSE colors of the wind.

The same principle of names applies to two major theatre venues in St. Louis are: The municipal Opera of St. Louis – aka ‘The Muny’ and The Repertory Theatre of St. Louis- aka ‘The Rep’.

I went to the Rep last weekend to review their production of the Sondheim musical ‘Sunday in the Park with Geroge’. You can read my review Here . However, I guess I didn’t say it all. For another take, I bring you a (mock) review from fellow arts critic:

‘What’s in a Name-  Sunday in the Park with  George – by the Girl in the  Pink Hat

There is nothing that I love more than being ahead of a trend. The quality of innovation is something that is simply in my blood. I nameless Girl in the Pink hat, am the descendent of that adventurous ground-breaker made famous by the Curious George series himself, The Man in the Yellow Hat.  Has anyone you know ever renamed themselves after a fashion statement? I didn’t think so. Yes, it may say ‘Ted’ on his birth-certificate but my ancestor knows how to define himself. And to color coordinate outfits.

Just FYI, Paris Hilton wasn’t the first for animal accessorizing. One of the first was Ted who stole lovingly adopted his very own ADHD primate from Africa as mini-mammal arm candy. Take THAT  Angelina Jolie and Madonna. This was of course, the famous Curious George. Also note that both monkey and man ADDED  names and adjectives. Weird Al is such a copy-monkey.

Of course, this wasn’t the first man-monkey duo. One of the first dates all the way back to the 1800′s in Paris France and it is this famous pairing that led me to The Rep to view their production of ‘Sunday in the Park with George’.

This show spends an act detailing the creation of the famous George Seurat painting ‘Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte’, an innovative painting in itself. Not only was Seurat’s simple subject matter a new approach, but his technique of applying tiny dots of color in the style defined as ‘pointillism’ was a new mastery of color, texture, and shade. The second act shows a descendant of the famous George, another artist, in his own struggle to navigate the art world,  connect to those around him, and mostly, to know himself; where he comes from, and to find the inspiration to create something new. It is always fascinating to get under the skin of an artist, to see not only HOW they did the things they did, but perhaps why- to understand the struggles they went through in their attempts to capture a vision or make a name for themselves. Pointillism isn’t mastered in a day- as the painting took roughly two years to paint. You aren’t born ‘The Man in the Yellow Hat’ or Curious George either- they started out as Ted and African Monkey and had to work to define themselves.

Let’s be clear here, I don’t care much about art history or history or musicals or anything not involving me. I only went to the show because of the forefront lower right corner of the painting. See that monkey? That’s my ancestral moneky pet- the great great grandfather monkey of Curious George. The great great grandfather of the man in the Yellow hat, the Man in the Rainbow hat, is sadly not pictured. I think Seurat ran out of colored paint before he could capture my ancestral chapeau. 

The monkey onstage was a rather 2-dimensional character. In fact, I think it was made of wood and not a real monkey at all. So much for an authentic experience. If it were not for the rather incredible voices of the actors I would have called the whole thing a big dog-and-pony and no monkey show. The Guy With the Amazing Voice and Lead Girl gave such honest, touchingly human performances I actually looked them up in the program for their real names (Ron Bohmer and Erin Davie). I guess they’re fine with just two names, no costume references or adjectives as their stage names.These fine, revealing performances opened my mind to thinking about my own life. The show wasn’t exactly about me but there I am- in the big picture. Isn’t it great how art does that? Across the board, the cast- whether portraying the modern or impressionist era- left quite the impression on me. I tip my Pink Hat to them.

I always think of myself as an innovator but I was not the first to jump to my feet at the curtain call. I was also not the first to my seat, though I will say, I was not the last either. In an innovator’s ideal, early is on time and on time is late so the people who show up late to a show should not be allowed in until intermission. Theatre and life wait for no one.

It seems that so often humans (and monkeys) are defined by the easy things to spot by anyone glancing from a distance. How do we dress, what do we eat what do we read? It is harder to see what one really loves without time. An introduction is never more than a snap-shot.  If life is a canvas the way we fill it is the way we fill our time, the people and monkeys we associate with, as described in the song ‘Children and Art’ from the show. Knowing how to make a real name for yourself is to know what gives you joy, innovation, and perspective- and to find a way to share it; as Seurat did, and as those involved with this production did. We wear our definition like a Yellow hat.  In the end, the words on the name tag could be anything, the Name is the reputation.

As for the show with the curiously long name in the theatre with the shortest nickname, it lives up to the rep’s reputation of excellence. It doesn’t matter what they call themselves, they are deserving of many syllables of full and enthusiastic praise.  I’d be happy to add ‘The Girl in the Pink hat sitting in the audience of whatever they do next’ to my already long title.

Trash the Dress; Save the Press

A few months ago, a fellow teacher was asking me about my writing and flat-out said she didn’t think it counted for anything unless it was in print. How very polite.

Well read it and weep, rude lady! My first article is out in the January issue of Alive. Hooray, that’s one to save for the portfolio. A real by-line!

It is the ‘Get Involved’ piece that details charity organizations that help either produce a wedding in Missouri  or use a wedding as an opportunity to serve other deserving charities.

It was really humbling to write, and such a reminder of what wonderful things people in our community are doing. I hope the piece serves as a call to action; it shows easy ways to donate goods and dresses and services to these causes. I myself signed up as a choreographer should any coupe decide they want a little something special for their first dance.

Back it up! All those distant relatives want to see you get nasty on the dance floor!

I even tried to stomach my usual tone of sarcasm, not an easy pill to swallow- which went down like something heart-burn inducing and in true backwardsville-sense the pepto to my perspective was writing about cake. You know what Mary Poppins snarky sister Myrtle Poppins says, ‘A spoonful of sugar makes the grumpy hag of a writer shrivel up and bake a puff piece…with substance. Like a pound cake”. And when even the pressure to write something inspiring to serve these great causes fails, there is always word count, which in print counts like all the calories of said pound cake.

Also in keeping with wedding themes, enjoy these pictures that I did for a photo shoot in the popular ‘Trash The Dress’ theme (Wedding dresses basically being destroyed in unusual places- oh yay, just what I’ve been dreaming of since I was a little girl- traipsing around in a dress with huge padded boobs and my dead pointe shoes through crunchy leaves and abandoned railway cars in the woods of New Jersey) These are some of my favorites. Photos by Tom Byrne

I intend to have exactly this facial expression should I ever have real wedding photos taken.

Enjoy the link to read and check out a copy of January’s issue to see it in its full glory. Enjoy the verbal pound cake; may my words clog your figurative arteries and  stop your hearts like so many cups of warm melted butter. I’ll toast to that!