Friday’s Dance Horoscopes For every Dancer (or not) out there

Dancers of All Varieties; Find out what is in store for you!

Contemporary Ballet Dancers- Good News! You are hired to be part of a performance for New York social elite in the Hamptons for the summer! Catch yourself a millionaire. Skill to practice- plie, because you’re going to have to be pretty adept at dodging the bagels Real Housewife Jill Zarrin will throw at you

Musical Theater Dancers- The Jackson legend lives on! You might receive a callback at auditions for Broadways, ‘The Adams Family’. Skip the ‘thriller’ makeup and practice your monster mash.

Up in the club- watch out this weekend for spilled beverages on the dance floor. You might just find yourself spinning out of control, slipping in a puddle of uncategorized liquid substance (sweat+vodka) and spraining your ankle. Practice balance and self-restraint.

Classical Ballet Dancer- As most seasons wind down, you can allow your diet some slack. You have your choice between collecting on unemployment or guest artisting in a local production of ‘The Tales of Beatirce Potter’, in which you will play the giant flying ‘Jemimah Puddleduck’. Practice swallowing your pride.

Tap Dancer- An opportunity with the Radio City Rockettes opens up within the next few weeks. Practice a ‘three-finger smile’ (a smile the height of your pointer, middle, and ring finger) with closed lips to hide those bad teeth. Botox is always an option.

Hip Hop Dancer- the stars are aligned for you! You are about to meet a chiropractor who actually has some skill, just in time. All those isolations give you a serious crick in your neck. Practice insurance fraud for the pricey Doc, or just work on your flirting and fix it for free.

Competition Dancer- always practice your dance-team fouettes! Get ready to win big this summer and recieve some cash scholarships that luckily, you canĀ  apply towards your tanning memberships.

Modern Dancer- Good luck to you this week. You begin learning Paul Taylor’s, ‘Cloven Kingdom’ and you’re stuck as the girl with the giant plate on her head. Practice…everything. And prepare for bruises. (See link below for idea of what’s coming)

Ballroom Dancer- You get stuck teaching the basics to a senior citizen home this weekend. Practice CPR.

Student of Dance- COngrats! You get your acceptance letter to a prestigious summer program this week! When practically no one at your school cares or understands you find yourself watching ‘Glee’ for some comfort, two days after original play time of course. You’re in the studio on tuesday evenings. Practice your DVR skills.

Jazz Dancer- After your most recent concert, a local physical therapist decides to donate each of your company’s dancers three free visits! There’s a catch- Doc wants to rope you into being a particpant for a ‘flexibility’ study for which you won’t be paid. Read the fine lines before you sign anything. Practice saying no.

Non-Dancer- You get really uncomfortable when a birthday in the office translates into a congo-kick line and you, attempting to abandon the ‘non-dancer status’ enthusiastically join in, only to kick your boss in the shins. Practice writing cover-letters.

*I couldn’t find a decent clip of Cloven Kingdom on the web, but here is an idea of the strength, musicality, and flat-out durability you will need for any Paul Taylor piece

Here is ‘The Tales of Beatrice Potter’- choreography by one of my favorite’s Frederick Ashton (even Genius hits roadblocks sometimes, though I kind-of love this ballet)

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