Dance Horoscopes 4/30

Dancers of All Varieties; Find out what is in store and what to practice!

(special treat- these are all based on my past 4 days in NY)

Contemporary Ballet Dancers- Do not judge a book by it’s cover this week. You will have a random run-in with someone you don’t expect to be a dancer- say, maybe you’re banker- who is interested in a choreography collaboration. Practice small talk.

Musical Theater Dancers- This week brings some bad nights of sleep so you are a little tired in your job hunting/ rehearsals. Practice energizing yoga as well as covering yawns and dark under-eye circles.

Up in the club- lucky you! You meet some amazing REAL dancers at a party this week; dancers from Broadway’s West Side Story, So you think you can dance, Alvin Ailey, ABT, and Bill T. Jones, to name a few! Practice the art of whipping out your camera really quiclky.

Classical Ballet Dancer- You find yourself climbing a lot of stairs lately. Be careful that all that stair-stepping isn’t bulking up your quadricepts. Practice good posture- strength in the core and strong hamstrings.

Tap Dancer- You appreciate the street art in New York, where tap began its reign but that doesn’t mean you have to appreciate all street performers. When you find yourself hearing someone singing a bad rendition of ‘Lean on Me’, don’t be afraid to ask if they watch , “Glee’ and telling them that “it’s been done”. Practice a good sneer.

Hip Hop Dancer- You interview for a teaching position this week that isn’t exactly what you think you want to do. Deep breaths! Then when you feel calm and realize the need to pay bills, you will at least feel more relaxed while shifting principles.

Competition Dancer- always practice your dance-team fouettes! Get ready to win big this summer and recieve some cash scholarships that luckily, you can  apply towards your tanning memberships.

Modern Dancer- Good luck to you this week. You begin learning Paul Taylor’s, ‘Cloven Kingdom’ and you’re stuck as the girl with the giant plate on her head. Practice…everything. And prepare for bruises. (See link below for idea of what’s coming)

Ballroom Dancer- You get stuck teaching the basics to a senior citizen home this weekend. Practice CPR.

Student of Dance- COngrats! You get your acceptance letter to a prestigious summer program this week! When practically no one at your school cares or understands you find yourself watching ‘Glee’ for some comfort, two days after original play time of course. You’re in the studio on tuesday evenings. Practice your DVR skills.

Jazz Dancer- After your most recent concert, a local physical therapist decides to donate each of your company’s dancers three free visits! There’s a catch- Doc wants to rope you into being a particpant for a ‘flexibility’ study for which you won’t be paid. Read the fine lines before you sign anything. Practice saying no.

Non-Dancer- You get really uncomfortable when a birthday in the office translates into a congo-kick line and you, attempting to abandon the ‘non-dancer status’ enthusiastically join in, only to kick your boss in the shins. Practice writing cover-letters.

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3 thoughts on “Dance Horoscopes 4/30

  1. Obviously, I “own” the final category – NON-DANCER! Dancin’ your way through NY w/ kitty litter is undoubtedly an art form of its own. Brava!

  2. In response to the Modern dancer’s horoscope, I say having a plate, cube, sphere or earmuffs made of mirror on your head is pretty much a matter of degrees of insanity. The cube, for example, is heavier than the rest, but more secure, while the plate offers the unique evil of making your head heavier AND more unsteady at once.

    Ah, memories.

  3. I think you need to have an Ex-Dancer category, because I just don’t fit in any of the ones above. Yes, make a category for the annoying people (like me) who, whenever they meet a professional dancer, always say “oh, I used to take ballet.” (and of course the real dancer is thinking, “Yea, you and every other 3 year-old girl in America. My feet bleed, biatch!”)

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