The Lazy Blogger

So, I must apologize to all two of you who read this for my neglect over the past few days.I will remedy this by jamming in the missed posts of Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday all today! (thank heavens Wednesday is freebie topic day)

So Monday: Profile- Vaslav Nijinksy

This is the same choreographer from the ‘Rite of Spring’ video that I posted. He also choreographed what I consider to be truly horrendous number called, ‘Afternoon of the Faun’ set to Debussy music, which pretty much a sex-crazed male antelope running around in a forest of maidens and trying to impregnate them. There is seriously a prominent hand gesture in which the male dancer holds out his hands handshake style but with his fingers pressed together then abruptly pops his thumbs up (I won’t make any bad wood-related puns even if does take place in the woods. You all get the gist).

Sorry wood maiden, now isn’t a good time to stand up

Anyways, I write about him because I have an audition to be in an ‘experimental’ piece inspired by his work. The choreographer is auditioning females only, which is odd, I’m guessing he’s trying to break any gender boundaries. We all know that in ‘Rite of Spring’, a young woman is sacrificed, but that in truth, a young woman is the least likely demographic in a small community to be shoved into a volcano.  You need us for our baby-making potential. I’m very nervous to see what this audition will hold, and I hope my frank dislike of his ground-breaking but (in my opinion) not technically-impressive choreography is not a hindrance in being considered.

tuesday- media-

I know that I covered ‘Glee’ last week, but the huge amount of ballet references and the short excerpt from the ‘ballet club’ needs a few, well-chosen, articulate words.

For those of you who have seen the movie ‘Clue’, I can only repeat Madeline Khan speech relating to her anger…

“Flames, hot flames, buring in the face”….

Basically I am really hacked off. Reference one from Jesse to Rachel,

“next time in ballet club, practice your piques and arabesques quietly” (or don’t talk to me while doing them, or something to that effect). Hello!!! Ballet is a silent art form! There is no speaking during ANY of it! It is a constant annoyance factor to my snobbish attitude when people ask me how my ‘plays’ are going. Plays= words, ballet= movement.  We even get yelled at if our pointe shoes are too hard and make too much noise. I’ve spent hours banging the ends on the floor or walls to soften them up so that I don’t make clacking noises while running onstage. Hence, dance is silent.

Annoyance number two about the show- the entire ballet club part. There was one girl with decent legs and feet. So the casting was terrible. Two, the choreography. Mostly, they just ran around flapping their arms completely pertpetuating the idea that ballet is for pansies. The DID look like a bunch of fairies. Then the few steps that the ‘dancers’ did were the simplest, first things girls learn away from the barre in pointe class (echappe- I’ll explain in a second). My friend Kimberly pointed out that it was supposed to be ballet ‘club’ so I shouldn’t have high expectations, but here they are featuring Tony nominees in Glee club, so I don’t see why they couldn’t have brought in some A-lister guests for the ballet section as well. And one more thing, just because you CAN sort-of stand on your toes, Rachel Berry, doesn’t mean that you look acceptable doing it. Didn’t anyone learn anything from Rihanna and her terrible pointe shoe exhibition in the ‘Umbrella’ video?

Saturday- special treat! 1. dancer slang 2. official dancer term

1. Biscuit- the term used to describe an unattractive, unshapely foot in dance. A dancers foot is supposed to have a high arch (imagine something like a banana). If it looks more like the end of a golf club, a claw, or Rihanna’s feet, it is a ‘biscuit’.  Dear Rachel, Pillsbury called and they’re suing you for theft of their products.

2. Echappe- (pronounced: a-shop-a) to escape

This step can be done as a jump (saute)or onto pointe/demi-pointe (tip toe for you mongoloids out there)(releve)

Basically, the dancer begins with legs in a closed position( 5th), then springs to an opened position (2nd or 4th positions) The idea is that the legs ‘escape’ the closed position. This is basically what I needed to do after seeing ‘Glee’, escape from the horrible upsetting wannabe dancers. Echappe!!

8 thoughts on “The Lazy Blogger

  1. You know you are no longer a dancer when you can order biscuits and gravy and not once think about stretching your feet.

  2. Excellent. Laughed my butt off from beginning to end : )

    Thanks for taking Glee to task…somebody’s got to do it.

  3. Is it really a sacrifice to throw an old hag in the volcano? To appease the gods you have to toss the young and hot one that will be missed.

  4. I think my left foot is a biscuit. Thanks for letting me in on your fancy dancer terms. I have yet to see this episode of Glee that you speak of, so I will hop to it! Pun intended (because no one can walk adequately on a biscuit).

    p.s. You are so wrong about the young woman sacrifice. You need to watch your discovery channel. Have you never heard of the soap mummies of Argentina? 14-year-old girl sacrificed on top of a mountain to appease the gods b/c of a drought or something and her skin, etc. turned to lye. EWWWW. I’m surprised they don’t sell lady sacrifices at Lowe’s garden center for a discunt. (Ha, that was a typo, but it is soooo staying there).

    p.p.s. When you write your fancy dancer terms that are most probably french, you should write out how to say them (just for me, I’m sure everyone else knows what is the what). Right now, I’m pretty sure your echappe is pronounced EEEEE–CHA–PEEEEEEEE! Correct me!

  5. katie- look right after the term echappe- i give a pronunciation. not eee, aaaa! and I think your feet are too slender to be biscuits, I would classify them more as clubs. i think a biscuit has to be a wider ‘fred-flinstone’ foot, but that is personal opinion and not nationally dancer-recognized.
    I cannot watch discovery channel, you know perfectly well I never have, and probably never will have cable. Who had to come to your house to watch ‘outback jack’ or demanded that you dvr chef academy? so discovery channel is out. Is this soap mummification process still in practice?
    to stirling, I say it IS a sacrifice. elderly women are a source of wisdom! history! they perpetuate the economy by purchasing large orders at ‘crab tree and evelyn’ and fancy feast for their cats!
    To Sabrina- you don’t have a butt to laugh off. Maybe I should stop being so darn funny, I can’t imagine how painful Graham floorwork is for you if you chuckle off any more.
    To emily- you know that you never thought twice about biscuits and gravy-ish food. I saw you down two fried chicken sandwiches and go directly to perform in swan lake. It was amazing, as are you.

  6. Hulu that shit.

    p.s. Did you know that “biscuit” means “cookie” in England. I have British biscuits for feet!

  7. I’m not really sure why people enjoy this show…? Albeit, I have only watched a grand total of 3 minutes (and not all at once) so my opinion is a little prejudiced. I did muster enough courage to manage watching the ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart” ballet and my only regret was that I didn’t place a trash can next to me for when I got sick to my stomach. I hate this show and how it encourages and reciprocates an awful stereotype of the performing arts. It’s shows like this that make people [like my dad] say things like, “So, when are you choreographing your next routine?”

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