Happy Mothers day everyone! This set of horoscopes is dedicated to my Mom, and based on actual experiences she’s endured with me!
Contemporary Ballet Dancers Mom- don’t think just because your child isn’t a ‘classical’ dancer that they have retired their pointe shoes yet. You’ll still be sewing them until your child is 23.
Musical Theater Dancers Mom- Your child is so talented! The have the opportunity to perform in a selected group of child performers all summer! this means a lot of driving around for you, and you’d better get used to hearing super cheesy renditions of ‘Oklahoma’ and ‘You gotta have heart’ from damn yankees several times a week.
Up in the club mom- You don’t even want to know! (good news is your child is usually at a gay club anyways)
Classical Ballet Dancer- Break out the hairspray and curling iron for early performances of “the Nutcracker’. You’ll spend quality bonding time with your child as you work tirelessly, three years in a row, for hours at a time turning their hair into a victorian spiral of beauty!
Tap Dancer Mom- You give your child your old tap shoes. Too bad your child doesn’t know how to tap and gets cut in those very shoes at auditions.
Hip Hop Dancer Mom- Your child works as a backup dancer for Aretha franklin! Unfortunetly, you can’t ever see his/her face since dancers are wearing head to toe white spandex, including covering the face.
Competition Dancer mom- You get to see your child win their first big cash scholarship and immediatly put it to use towards their expensive summer program tuition!
Modern Dancer mom- If you youtube your child (maybe with keywords like Butler improv class) you might find a delightlfully strange video of your child improving to ‘the talking heads’ while dressed as Lord Voldemort. Don’t be too embarassed.
Ballroom Dancer- revenge of the Moms! with your own training and stage presence, you get to perform with your child in a production of ‘The Sleeping Beauty’ as a member of the court. She/He isn’t really mad that you’re there, just more upset that you have a pretty costume and more onstage time while your child is dressed as a goblin and huddles in the corner.
Student of Dance- bad news this week. You find your burned out child skipping class and sitting at bread company when you go in to graciously get this ungrateful brat a water bottle.
Jazz Dancer Mom- Your child choreographs their first piece! She throws a hissy fit for no good reason afterward and you get pretty annoyed. Don’t worry, she appreciates the earrings and you can hack all that attitude up to her budding genius and artistic temperment.
Ex-Dancer Mom- You get to see your child in sandals! It’s still a horrific sight.