My ideal dancing stars- or ‘who I’d like to see humiliated’

I do not watch dancing with the stars. I hate the fact that it gets more viewers than ‘so you think you can dance’ which is sometimes overly-commercial, but is nothing in comparison to ‘dancing’- plus I’m not as interested in ballroom. I do not like that we take some already famous people and give them more camera time bastardizing the art of dance. My Mom watches it though, and as an ex-dancer herself, I think she shares a similar belief with me.

The only time that I find it acceptable is when the cast is a bunch of stars who basically, I want to see fail. I want them to fall on their butts during a tango and then be reamed out by snooty judges and how uncoordinated they are. Example- perfect cast member to me= Kate Gosslin. (I know I spelled her name wrong, I’m not wasting two seconds to google her to spell it correctly)

Kate is perfect because no one likes her, she’s famous for no good reason, she produced a bunch of babies and has a widely publicized divorce and a bad haircut. We could find that in any corner of Oklahoma or Kansas. I think I am not alone in hating that someone so banal in all aspects of life has way more money and fame than I or many of my talented friends are likely to see in their lifetime. So yes, I take joy when she stinks. I take joy that I believe myself to be better than her at something.  Whenever I would ask my Mom who’s doing badly on the show, Kate is the first name that pops up. It’s nice to be able to judge her negatively and laugh in her face. It’s a competition, and she’s there to be judged, so everyone gets to partake in openly pointing and saying ‘YOU SUCK KATE!’

The cast is filled with usual suspects- the male athletes 9football player types), the undeserved reality stars, t.v. personalities, and charming old gents who we know won’t win, but it gives them a moment back in the spotlight and we can all say ‘how cute, an old man trying to truffle-shuffle’.

Here’s my ideal cast- (keep in mind, I am mean and stuck up and want to openly harrass celebrities)

1. T.v. personality- heidi klum: and I want the judges to use her own project runway line against her ‘sometimes you’re in and sometimes you’re out and heidi, you’re out. ahlveiderzane sucker!

2. Athlete- those fakey wrestlers- proving to the world how great they are at learning choreography, because their sport is FAKE! (the rock would be acceptable)

3. Broadcaster- no pretty host this time! I want Larry King.

4. Celebrity slut- I vote paris hilton, but then I’d want her partner to refuse to work with her so they have to bring on Kathy griffin to impersonate her

5. charming old geezer- Michael J. Fox- it would be so fun to see if he can remember the choreography…just kidding

6. Ricky gervais- because like everything he does, it would be hilarious. and stephen merchant should be his dress-wearing partner.

7. another female that I hate- stephanie meier- all that brooding and romantic chemistry in your crappy ‘twilight’ books can’t save you now, steph steph!

8. person I want to win- Malcolm Gladwell, that geeky little writer. It would be really unexpected. seriously, he looks like he can’t handle the electric slide.

9. Me- obviously.

10.  Oprah. I would watch that.

3 thoughts on “My ideal dancing stars- or ‘who I’d like to see humiliated’

  1. “Auf Wiedersehen,” bitte.

    My mother loves dancing with the stars. She cracks me up about it! “I just like to see the costumes!”
    I don’t judge her though, everyone has their thing and at least her’s isn’t american idol.

    I asked her the other day, because I agree with your sentiment about Kate, “hows that chick with all the kids doing.” Mom just waved her hand at me and ignored my question, as if to say “she sucks so bad that I won’t even waste a moment to speak of her atrocious performances.”

  2. I agree…SYTYCD is sooooo much better than Dancing w/ the Stars. I turn it off b/c I hate watching bad dance! No matter how “good” the celebrities are, they are still bad and I can do better. I have a link on my profile of Elton John singing Like a Virgin, and Jacob from So You Think You Can Dance is in it…I love him 🙂 Other possible people for DWYS…Don Vito from Viva La Bam cuz it’d be funny to see a fat sweaty man do the Quick Step, Bret Michaels b/c he’s on every reality show now, Tiger Woods b/c he needs people to like him again, Ozzy Osborne, and Julian McMahon (Christian from Nip/Tuck) b/c he’s sexy.

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