Dream on Glee cast- none of you, nor Big bird, nor George Bush, are dancers

I have had it up to my ears (which are not over-sized and stupid looking like Artie’s) with the improper dance references, or attempts to make characters who stink look like good dancers. Example one: Rachel claiming to perform the dream ballet of ‘Oklahoma’ when she gets stressed. A) there is no solo variation in that, it is a ballet that requires a full ensemble and a lot of partnering. Also, it is the first major ballet included in a musical, choreographed by American legend Agnes DeMille (I touched on her a while back, another major claim to fame is ‘Rodeo’ a ballet set to the Aaron Copeland score ‘Appalachian spring’ but you might know it as the ‘Beef it’s what’s for dinner’ music) B) she had just finished the most sloppy soutenu turns I’ve seen this side of a beginner class. No way she’s ever going to land a lead in a ballet.

I am only in this apartment until the end of the month so I have been trying to tough it out without any of my stuff, like pillows, blankets, 90% of my clothes and shoes, and yes, even good coffee. I was just drinking the instant stuff. Last weekend, I caved and bought a pillow and a cheap coffee maker. Now, I may not have the palette to discern a good coffee from a superb coffee, but the difference between a decent bag and those Folger’s crystals is something everyone can appreciate.

I bring this up because Rachel’s dancing is completely inadequate, a dancing version of instant coffee. The producers seem to think ‘slap her in a leotard and bun and teach her a step and she’ll look like a ballerina’. The problem with this thinking is that the majority of T.V. land doesn’t always know what good dancing is and therefore can’t tell that it isn’t even passable. It bothers me that the perfectionist, the constant performer, who no doubt is an incredible vocal talent, is also given featured dance moments when she can’t really deliver. Agnes DeMille would have smashed Rachel in her never-straight-knees with the cane she was famous for carrying around and using to indimidate.

I won’t say anything with regards to artie’s desire to be a dancer for two reasons; the first being that I’ve seen videos of him in his silly boyband (NTL I think it’s called) and they aren’t great but they’re not terrible. They do what they (watered-down pop hip-hop moves) decently enough and don’t attempt to break out in tutus. The second is a selfish reason, and that is simply that I would still probably write down ‘dancer’ if someone asked my dream and I don’t even have a wheelchair to use as an excuse as to why I’m not dancing as much anymore. So I refuse to berate a fellow vulnerable, aspiring dancer.

That is not going to stop me from telling anyone who will listen that Mercedes is a complete movement imbecile. Check out this video around 1;28 for the head-bopping music. She can’t even nod in time with a beat.

Absolutely inexcusable. Sorry Mercedes but you ‘can’t dance if you want to’ since it looks like you’re getting paid to dance, and you still fail.

I’m being a little harsh; I actually adore seeing just about anyone bust a move when the mood strikes- and everyone it seems dances at some time or another. In my search for funny dance videos today, I typed in the widest range of celebrity names + dance: Big Bird, Harry Potter, George Bush (the result was him participating in a traditional Saudi Arabian Sword Festival- am I the only one a little concerned by someone with that coordination and brain power moving about with a sword the length of his torso?). I even found a result for ‘Alexander Putin dance’. For something that is so ingrained in history and culture and even T.V., dance sure doesn’t receive the respect it deserves. We can all start by demanding a body double for Rachel’s dance sequences and watching some actual good dancing to educate ourselves on what it should look like. I will handle the inconvenience of moving with my little coffee pot for coffee that doesn’t taste like dirt; it’s my hope that people will go see a show or watch a video with dancers that have some real talent. Don’t serve yourself crap, people.

The Dream Ballet from Oklahoma and a video of one of my favorite ballet’s, Petite Mort, by Jiri Kylian performed by the amazing Netherlands Dance Theater *Petite Mort is translated in French as ‘little death’ meant to convey an orgasm here. And people think ballet= boring.

3 thoughts on “Dream on Glee cast- none of you, nor Big bird, nor George Bush, are dancers

  1. ugh. I’m tired of GLEE, I don’t know why I still watch it. Did you see the episode with Rachael en pointe- I almost vomited.

  2. My computer is too old and slow to succeed at video playing, so I cannot fully understand the head nod you describe. Still I will defend this person from Glee by stating that I, too, cannot nod my head to a beat, yet they allowed me to graduate with a college degree in dance!

    Furthermore, while I don’t disagree that Bush and a long sword is not a desirable combination, I have to admit my complete relief that it wasn’t Cheney with the sword.

    Lastly, I am sad that I cannot again experience the joy of Petit Mort due to my feeble computer. I guess it is ultimately for the best, since I die a little bit every time I see it.

  3. Rachel on pointe was worse than me at swimming- and that’s sad. I still need a noodle or arm floaties. Too bad we couldn’t have censored out her feet.
    Emily, you would be able to head bob had you not been kicked out of Jenny Ladner’s class. I too, was able to graduate with a dance degree without ever convincing our musical theater dance teacher to ‘come to my party’.
    I’m sorry that your computer cannot handle ‘petit mort’- if there was a viagra for computer hard-drives, i would send you one! Unfortunately, I think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Just put it down!

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