Horoscopes May 21st- the inconvenient lives of dancers

So the cheap coffee pot I just bought at target less than a week ago stopped working. Granted, I did pay ten dollars for it, but still, I am annoyed. Hence the theme for this week: Inconvenience!

Non- dancers: You are not especailly flexible and pull a muscle in your groin. Good luck icing that!

Ballet dancers- your expresso machine breaks and since strong caffeine was your meal plan for breakfast and dinner, have fun being extra tired, hungry, and grouchy.

Belly Dancer- you shouldn’t have had that qdoba last night. You feel gassy which makes doing those body rolls pretty uncomfortable (for you and your audience. One word- beano!)

Musical Theater Dancer- you are always running around to auditions and you have to look perfectly made up for each. This gets tricky when it rains and your mascara proves not to be waterproof, and those hair products that work well with heat really do not work well with cold wet rain.

icky, sticky, laughable...covergirl

Hip Hop Dancer- tensions run high amongst the back-up dancers when rumors fly that one of you is hooking up with the star you dance behind and that the rest of you will all be fired

Cruise Ship dancer- Surprise! you have an inner ear condition that makes you seasick when you’re on a boat.

everybody look at me, cause I'm pukin' on a boat!

Modern dancer- you have a big audition this weekend but you get stuck with a number that puts you in the back and in the corner for every combination. Too bad that you spent so much on a plane ticket and the audition fee because no one is going to see you.

Theme Park dancer- the kid playing donald duck calls in sick and the rest of the dancers decide they can do the show without you, so you get stuck in the feathered costume waving at children.

Flamenco Dancer- when ever you tell people that you are a flamenco dancer, you are suddenly asked to do the tostitos salsa cartoon dance

Club Dancer- you are used to dancing in a cramped space but things get ugly when you are sandwiched in the crowd between a chef who is storing whole pineapples in his bag, and a personal trainer, whose dumbells you keep bumping into. You wake up the next mornning both scratched and bruised.

Drag Queen- an angry rival tranny steals your dancebelt. You have to use duct tape to tuck it back.

ex-dancer- you hate to admit it, but you still miss dance and cry like a baby at ‘glee’. Better not to watch it by yourself.

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2 thoughts on “Horoscopes May 21st- the inconvenient lives of dancers

  1. Love the modern dancer part…totally true!!! And as an ex-dancer, I do not cry at Glee…I say “why! Why?!” when Rachel dances…haha

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