Seeing Eye B*tch

I am a big fan of the author, Jonathan Safran Foer.

 Those of you harassed last xmas with ‘Jess’ Letter Project’ know that Foer’s work has served as inspiration behind my some of my bad ideas . I personally looooove the book ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close’. If you’re a fan of David Sedaris or ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime’ I suggest you check el&ic out. It has that same inventive humorous style with wonderful off-the-wall characters.

I also suggest Everthing Is Illuminated– in both book and movie form, based on real-life events (especially his fear of dogs, which he even talks about in other books)

Apparently, a movie of EL&IC is coming out and the trailer looks terrrrrrrible! I am NOT impressed. I will probably go see it though, just to loudly rant in the middle of the film ‘how much better the book is!’ (isn’t this usually the case? Harry Potter- books win. I might vote for the Lord of the Ring movies over the books- one because I have a crush on ALL of the male actors with the exception of Orlando Bloom and Dominic Monahan- bleh. And yes, that does include the dwarf and gandalf and gollum a little bit. And two- because the books read more like song books. If I wanted a musical travelog, I have itunes, but thanks Tolkien.)

Anyways, I was in Borders Barnes and Noble today and first of all- there was this obnoxious group of fuddy-duddy old ladies sitting at the study tables working on some STAMP COLLECTING project. I found eavesdropping on them quite entertaining, when not distracting. Why do people not leave their scrapbooking loudmouthed selves at home? I always conduct my cutting-and-pasting in secret , but that may be more because I realize it ages me either up about sixty years or down about fifteen.

While I was there, I picked up the most recent Foer book, ‘Eating Animals’ which is basically a memoir/ collection of research on animal agriculture. I got about 40 pages into it before I had to stop because hearing about the fishing industry was making me upset. Does anyone know what a gaffer is? It’s basically a specially-devised torture instrument that will club fish and make it easier to drag them out of the sea. And no, I am not a vegetarian so yes, I do feel hypocritical complaining about how my salmon makes it to the table. I need to read more to decide if I will change this or not.

Anyways, a few things stuck out to me- 1. Apparently, a fish will drown when unable to move.

I don’t know how this is possible, but in a poetic sense, it works as a great metaphor for life. I know this is how I felt all last year with the ballet company I was with- going nowhere, not improving, not making any real changes or trying new things either in dance or life. Maybe that’s why I got so upset hearing about the gaffers, though this is probably the first time I’ve associated with a tuna.

2- The idea of why we eat certain animals that we’ve deemed of lesser-intelligence/ without a soul/ etc. Foer made a point of asking ‘what if at some point we meet up with another life form that is more advanced than us and looks at us the way we view fish? As unintelligent, or with lesser pain receptors? How would we argue in defense?” And it’s true, if someone doesn’t speak our language, how would we communicate ‘um actually I CAN grasp the situation at hand, and can totally feel that giant @ss hook in my mouth so please don’t eat me’ Perhaps we should stop all attempts of Mars landings now just in case.

I think animals are particularly on my mind with the recent Ohio event where some 65ish year old nutjob adopted a plethora of wild animals like lion, tigers, and bears (though if I were dorothy, I’d be more afraid to meet this sad freak than any of those poor critters) and then decided he could no longer go on in life so killed himself AFTER SETTING THESE WILD BEASTS TO ROAM THE SUBURBS.  I am not making this up. Read a more credible source’s report here for further details. All I know is that police SHOT the animals. I think about nine Bengal tigers were exterminated. Bengal tigers. an ENDANGERED SPECIES. Tragic. (I am admittedly less bothered by the idea of the animals attacking some humans since there’s no shortage of us. Besides, we eat and ruin enough animal’s lives that I think it might be some kind of natural karma, restoring the balance to nature.)

I understand their actions as these are dangerous wild animals (though why tranquilizers couldn’t have done the trick is beyond me. It worked in King Kong and Jurassic Park)   I myself am scared of big dogs, and crocodiles, and sharks. If I ever went blind, I would probably ask PETA to set me up with a guide cat, or a seeing-eye pussy..since I apparently am one. But then, I also love cats to a crazy old ladyish degree (wow, I SHOULD join that stamp collecting group, eh?)

Foer also talks about his own dog, how he is struck by its contrasting moments of intelligence and total stupidity, but he never questions that much is indeed going on in that little cranium. And I believe this is true of all animals, we just don’t speak their language. But now, I have scientific VERIFIABLE PROOF that animals have a system of communication and thoughts. I youtubed these talking cats and found a highly scientific translated version. Just see if you could ever make a meat patty out of either of these kitties after watching this!

The Original footage:

the translated/ Analyzed  Data:

I would also like to mention how my cat’s ears perked up every time I play the first video and she starts stalking the computer Zoolander style, “the cats are IN THE COMPUUUUUTERRRR’……… (you know, I was just thinking, ‘Zoolander‘ would make a great name for an exotic animal rescue superhero. Hopefully played by someone not Ben Stiller.)

Also apparently, the length of oceanic fishing wire is the same as the distance to the moon or something like that. (I didn’t take notes) I like the idea of standing on the roof of my hose and casting a big fishing pole and catching myself a giant space-shark….and then of course, tossing it back.

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