Happy Least Sexy Holiday

Pointe shoes are like turkeys, you stuff them both”. -E. Gildea

Happy Thanksgiving! Actually, I don’t care much for this holiday. It’s as Schmidt on ‘New Girl’ says, the least-sexy holiday. It’s feasting comparable to bears going into hibernation, when really most of us will just need to lay down and take a nap. I know that there is indeed a component of turkey that makes you sleepy, but really I think the reason we all get so tired is the carb-overloading. When you eat a big meal, all of the other body systems slow to allow your poor stuffed mechanism to focus its attention on digesting leaving less energy for things like, say, staying awake. If you get uncomfortably full, I’d suggest a mint or mint tea. It’s soothing, refreshing, and actually aids digestion.

I hope everyone enjoys a good meal and day with family and friends.

And now, a toast: to whatever it is that you’re grateful for, that makes your life better, richer, happier. Like kind-of weird poems…..I’d love to read this one at dinner.


Mac Hammond

The man who stands above the bird, his knife
Sharp as a Turkish scimitar, first removes
A thigh and leg, half the support
On which the turkey used to stand. This
Leg and thigh he sets on an extra
Plate. All his weight now on
One leg, he lunges for the wing, the wing
On the same side of the bird from which
He has just removed the leg and thigh.
He frees the wing enough to expose
The breast, the wing not severed but
Collapsed down to the platter. One hand
Holding the fork, piercing the turkey
Anywhere, he now beings to slice the breast,
Afflicted by small pains in his chest,
A kind of heartburn for which there is no
Cure. He serves the hostess breast, her
Own breast rising and falling. And so on,
Till all the guests are served, the turkey
Now a wreck, the carver exhausted, a
Mere carcass of his former self. Everyone
Says thanks to the turkey carver and begins
To eat, thankful for the cold turkey
And the Republic for which it stands.

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