Don’t Mess with Jess- spammers in ballet

“Lord what Fools these Mortals Be”- Puck, ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’

Sarah Grace Austin (Missouri Ballet Theatre) and Jon Upleger (Nashville Ballet Company, MBT guest artist) 2011


You have to get up pretty early in the morning to get spam past this firewall of cynicism and google skills. And you’d better believe that if you try and I catch you, I will mess with you.

How's THAT for a mind game!? Brain squeeze!

Case in point: I received THIS email and luckily the power of google allowed me to find other people who received something identical and post a warning.

Howdy there,

I hope you’re keeping well. I’m just getting in touch to ask if you’re in need of any freelance writing at Bodies Never Lie – if so, it’d be an honor to help out and I would love to get involved if you have any need for me.

I’m 29 have been working full-time as a professional writer and researcher for five years; in that time there isn’t a lot I haven’t already covered (there are a few samples below for you to check out). Anything I send over would be written with the site’s readership in mind – as long as you’re happy with the resulting material, you’d be welcome to publish it as you see fit and the content will be owned by you entirely (in that I won’t send it to anyone else, either before or after publication.)

The good news is that I’d be able to offer my services at no charge; the only thing I would ask in return is that I’m able to include a link to a company within the article – nothing adult or in bad taste, just one of the professional businesses for which I freelance. Otherwise I’d be happy to chat about alternative arrangements if you’d rather not link to a corporate site.

Do let me know if you’re interested, and if so I can get something written for you over the course of the next few days. Needless to say, the offer is open to any other sites you might own as well as I appreciate that this kind of offer is not for everyone however, so if I don’t hear from you I won’t trouble you again.

Very best,

Riiiight. That sounds like a very legitimate business venture.  (See more Thank You pics here)

The Professional- "Is that a baguette in your briefcase or are you just happy to see me?" (found via Daniel Eatock 'Thank you' series)

So this was my response:

Hi Imogen,
Nice to hear from you. How did you stumble upon Bodies Never Lie and what is your interest in dance?
I am willing to give you a trial as a guest blogger. Please weigh in on the subject of ‘the biggest challenge facing dance and dance companies today’.  Your essay would need to address the perception of dance in American society in comparison with how it is perceived/respected in at least one other culture. Please include your take on arts funding with at least one direct quote from a person in government, and two examples of companies that are doing something special that will help them survive in this economy ie: a new ballet, or a collaboration of sorts.
Thanks and let me know when it is ready for me to look over.
 I maintain that I wasn’t being malicious. I just enjoy a good ‘they don’t know that we know that they know what we know’ kind of gag. And if that ball lands in my court, I just feel compelled in my soles to play with it.  Call it the ‘Puck’ in me.

Puck (Lauren Beasley) leading all the little changeling children astray

Not surprisingly, I have not found an essay waiting for my editing eyes to inspect. Too bad, I would have loved to hear a spammer’s thoughts on the state of ballet in society today. My guess is they’d suggest either more pornography in the midst of a classic, or a real-life ‘pop-up’: a spanx-wearing spammer  than pops up on stage, jumping about, doing brilliant flashy petite allegro, and holding a sign promoting an unnecessary business venture like snuggies made out of raincoat material, then douses everyone that did in fact purchase Snuggie Rain Coats with ice-cold water in the face and gives them all a virus of some sort or another.

Ballet pop-ups

 You get what’s coming to you. For the spammers like this emailer, at least this time, the joke is on them.
All in good fun. Yours in jest, that shrewd and knavish sprite, call’d Robin Goodfellow– aka Jess
If we shadows have offended,
think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear

Yikes! More like a nightmare than a vision (my Grandma says I look like Barbara Streissand in this one)


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