I am a freak for vocabulary. I get a thrill every time I learn a new word or hear a rarely used one. In snobbish form, it gives me a true sense of accomplishment to understand their variety and application in any given sentence.
I wish it were that easy when it came to making sense of small scenarios in the greater picture of life. It would be a lot simpler to find clarity and direction.
Who are you and who or what do you want to become? It’s tricky to figure out a plan of action if you aren’t sure of the desired goal. I say this because I recently had a conversation with a friend about what kind of dancer I’m trying to be- is it classical ballet, contemporary ballet, modern? I’ve wanted to be each of these at separate points.
I think my path with dance at this point is heading wherever I’m going to be best put to use. I don’t want to strive to be the perfect classical ballerina if that isn’t the best use of my current talents, nor do I want to try to morph myself into a ‘modern’ dancer if my natural movement (not to mention my hyper-extended lumbar spine and limited plie) go against it. I think most of my dance life I have tried to listen to what teachers and directors tell me I’m best at, and pushed myself for that, even if it goes against what is in my heart. I don’t know if this is a good idea or not and I wonder how others dancers- or people in general feel guided in their careers. I just think that there are some things, in all jobs, that no matter how hard you work you cannot overcome so why not go where you’re needed or best put to use?
In defining myself as a dancer, I don’t value one of these three arts forms over the over, and could see myself being fulfilled and challenged in all three various forms. (Classical, contemporary, modern) I care more about the quality of work and the environment. I think it is- to me- more important to feel happy and stable with the people I work with than to wear a classical tutu. I know that I am not interested in doing sloppy versions of The Nutcracker every year to call myself a ballet dancer, or to push myself to become a modern dancer simply because I enjoy the work of a certain company if that isn’t in the stars for me.
At this point- ballet, contemporary, modern- are more like the defining adjectives of ‘dancer’ rather than the nouns. I want to be a great dancer and between these three, I could be happy with any variety. I pretty much just want to be my personal best, whatever form that takes.
Wouldn’t it be nice if self-definition were as easy as say, filling in the blanks- Mad libs style?
2. location (like- the beach/ gas stations/ etc)
3. another location
4. item of clothing
10. body part
-‘I LOVE MY JOB- the mad libs
My dream job is to be a (#1). I love being in the (#2) and there is something magical about being at the (#3). I love the idea of donning a (#4) as part of my work uniform, and that my ‘daily grind’ includes (#5). This work makes my body feel (#6), (#7) and (#8) while filling my heart with (#9). More than anything, it nourishes my (#10).
So what are you? Wishing everyone joy and fulfillment in whatever line of work you do– jess the…?