My computer is running slow and is doubtless as filled with spam as an overweight midwestern hillbilly toddler. (Basically me at age 2. Did I ever mention that my Mom craved HOT DOGS whilst pregnant with this here balleri-no? Hot Dogs. One of the top five cancer causing foods)
I will not be taking it to any Geek squader because a) they fix nothing b) they charge a million dollars while holding my computer hostage behind their employee-only desk c) they always yell at me for the amount of food crumbs stuck in my keyboard.
And I can only imagine what they’d say upon looking at my Youtube History. It looks something like this:
Nederlands Ballet Theatre- Petit Mort followed by some dirty-talking olive-oil smoking hot Nigella Lawson cooking videos (mature content!) followed by an interview with Mark Morris (can you count how many times he sings, ‘lalalala!’ geez, I love him!) followed by a lecture on neuroscience and emotions followed by some kind of animal video (He’s a very loving cat….right) followed by Petit Mort…thirty something more times. I may have fallen asleep to it on repeat once before. I admit nothing. Ok, it was twice that this happened.
With yet another snow day, I could spend the day smothered in hyperlinks but I’m instead dealing with all manner of plans for my summer trip to New York in June. Ideally, while I’m there I would love love looooove a chance to meet with someone, anyone from Dance or Pointe or Dance Teacher Magazine and show them a few ( or a million) of my ideas and samples. I think it’s high time for a midwestern contributor let alone my other many brilliant pitches. Trouble is, I don’t know who to contact to even shove my unwanted face and portfolio in their inbox. I am manifesting that I will have a meeting set up before June and if anyone has a contact suggestion, please send it my way.
Too bad I don’t just have Julie Kent’s email address. I bet she’d tell Miss Wendy Perron to peer into my vast knowledge of the current dance scene. What do you think her email address even is? I bet it’s one of these:
damnitCooperwe’firstname.lastname@example.org (if you don’t immediately recognize this jewel of dialogue I don’t even know what you’re doing at this blog)
Pirouette79@gmail.com (79, her age and coincidently, her weight..so it’s easy to remember)
I’m just kidding, I love Julie Kent. I actually met her for a hot second in Chautauqua at their summer Dance Festival but I am sunburned to a crisp in the photo and won’t be sharing it. Respect my privacy!
This kind of brain meandering is what happens when I have a snowday and try to stay away from youtube- these kind of hair-brained schemes. I also had this lightbulb of ingenuity:
Let’s get a brewmaster together with a lime farmer and make…ta-daaa Bud Light Limes! When you squeeze them, beer comes out. It’s a very very good idea if you have a penchant for very bad beverages.
Genius, no? If you want to go in with me on this grand investment, just email me. email@example.com