What to wear to dance when there’s nothing else to wear

I am writing to you from underneath a giant pile of laundry. It is spilling out of the windows of apartment. Well, not really. But almost everything from my ‘dance drawer’ is currently in my stuffed-to-the-brim hamper, including all of my favorite or acceptable leotards. (GIF lifted from the ever-hilarious ohballet)

When You wear your favorite leotard

When You wear your favorite leotard

So what am I going to wear to class tomorrow? Unfortunately, one of these amazing and flattering offering; welcome to the fashion abyss of my dancewear collection.

Nude MStevens leo in case I feel like pretending to be Eve and a lavender dance dress with an unflattering right-above-the-crotch gather (Danskin)

Nude MStevens leo in case I feel like pretending to be Eve and a lavender dance dress with an unflattering right-above-the-crotch gather (Danskin)

Why so blue? Perhaps it's the seam down the center, the unbelievably hot, tight, shiny fabric that shows every unflattering 'curve' and thelack of lining.

Why so blue? Perhaps it’s the seam down the center, the unbelievably hot, tight, shiny fabric that shows every unflattering ‘curve’ and the lack of lining.

Straight from the 80's! boatneck, unlined, striped, french cut (camel-toe) instant-edgie 'Tickets' California leo..This once belonged to my Mom. Matching belt unpictured

Straight from the 80’s! boatneck, unlined, striped, french cut (camel-toe) instant-wedgie ‘Tickets’ California leo..This once belonged to my Mom. Matching belt not pictured

This is all that is clean.Which one should I wear? Please vote. I hate them all so I say let the people decide my humiliation. I promise a delightful picture of me in the winner

7 thoughts on “What to wear to dance when there’s nothing else to wear

  1. I would like to add that I inherited or was given these, and did not select them myself. I did however, keep them. As for your last question, don’t you know me at all!?

    • I know you, but don’t you know me well enough to know that I can’t pass up an excuse to type “weirdly vulva-centric”?*

      *Yes, I did just put the punctuation outside the quote; my father is English.

  2. I voted for the awesome ’80s number. When in doubt, go retro. Also, I skate in ice shows and I honestly could not feel you more!!! Embarrassingly, this post is my life about 75% of rehearsal days. Who has time for laundry?

  3. Pingback: What to wear to the Theater | BODIES NEVER LIE

  4. Pingback: The 7 Words You Can Never Say in Ballet | BODIES NEVER LIE

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